Just when I think it's not possible to feel any more depressed about modern feminism, along comes another reason to slit my wrists. Last week, women's groups held a press conference to announce a boycott of meetings the federal government is holding on divorce and child custody. Outraged that they're expected to sit down alongside men to discuss matters, the women also complained that a federal booklet written in gender-neutral language "does not make one single reference to women."

While media coverage left the impression these activists were abandoning the field to more sensible souls, nothing could be further from the truth. That very day they submitted to the government a document demanding changes they insist are necessary to ensure female equality. Available at www.owjn.org/custody/brief-e.htm, the Ontario Women's Network on Custody and Access Brief is 56 pages, not counting footnotes. In light of these women's sensitivity to language, I thought an analysis of it would be in order. The result? While the word "father" appears 54 times, not once is the connotation positive.

On nine occasions, the word is used neutrally. On 15 others, it appears in the phrase "fathers' rights" -- a concept these women's rights activists don't believe in. In the remaining 30 instances, the document talks of abusive fathers, sex-offender fathers, fathers who demand input into their kids' lives because they want to "control the mother," fathers who abandon or abduct their kids, and fathers who "seek more time with their children ... because they want to pay less child support."

In a paper released two weeks before Father's Day, these women can't bring themselves to say one good thing about dads. Not only do they fail to acknowledge the millions of devoted fathers, they selectively quote social science data to make the case that children are unaffected by their fathers' absence. (Anyone remotely familiar with this research knows the preponderance of evidence lines up on the other side.)

If a single mom gets up every morning and reports to a job she hates just to put food on the table, these women consider her a hero. But married men who do so are dismissed as "non-involved" (read: aloof and uncaring) fathers who, because they changed fewer than 50% of the diapers, don't deserve to see the kids much following a divorce.

The degree to which these women believe dads are disposable becomes clear when, halfway through, one reads: "Children benefit from healthy, appropriate relationships with their extended families and their pre-existing relationships with extended family members should be taken into account." In other words, this document is prepared to admit that grandparents, aunts and uncles -- but not fathers -- are important to kids.

Those of us who live in the real world, rather than in a feminist fog, may believe most fathers love their children, even if they aren't always good at putting those feelings into words. We may believe the ones who don't are the exception. But the word "love" appears only once in this document -- in reference to gays and lesbians.

We real-world types may also think that, while it's important to acknowledge domestic violence, it's also important to keep this issue in perspective. When psychologist Sanford Braver's eight-year, $10-million U.S. study (which later became the book, Divorced Dads: Shattering the Myths) asked couples why they divorced, "violence or abuse were strikingly absent," he says. Instead, "less dramatic factors predominated, such as 'gradual growing apart,' 'differences in lifestyle or values' [and] 'not feeling loved or appreciated.' "

The authors of this feminist document have lost the ability to see anything other than worst case scenarios. The terms abuse/abused/abuser/abusive appear in it no fewer than 155 times. Violence/violent appear 183 times. Assault/assaulted appear 26 times. And, between them, "domination" and "control" appear 24 times.

While these feminists are not prepared to admit -- even once or even grudgingly -- that many dads cherish their children, they're happy to link fathers in general to violence, abuse and "male domination" at an average rate of seven times a page.

Level-headed Canadians who love their own fathers should waste no time telling Anne McLellan, the federal Justice Minister, this document does not speak for them. Her number is: (613) 992-4621. Her fax is (613) 943-0044.

National Post, Thursday, June 14, 2001